Thursday, August 1, 2013

When Life Sucks

At times life sucks.

Really sucks.

There have been some positive changes in my life this year after a couple of life sucking years.

2013 was going to be the year of change.

The year life didn't suck.

But along with those positives have been some life sucking moments.

They are life sucking things that are draining energy from me.

Things that I don't want to have to face because they suck.

But I have to.

I am struggling these past few weeks to celebrate the good as I am so drained from the life sucking things.

All these life sucking things coming at me all at the same time.

Draining energy so I struggle to deal with them.

A vicious, vicious circle.

A never ending roundabout ride where I go round and round and round.  Never having the energy to jump off and enjoy the good.

Disabilities making it hard to walk.

Hard to move.

Health treatments that are supposed to make me feel better but have dreadful side effects.

Pain medication that is supposed to help but makes me high as a kite or knock me out.  Not a good knocking out.  Although I have slept it feel as if I haven't.  It wasn't sleep it was a drug induced unconsciousness. 

Children who need extra help; a Son with Asperger's who is so darn challenging in his behaviour at times.  Even worse with this heat.  A Daughter with Juvenile Idiopathic arthritis (Rheumatoid Arthritis) resulting in pain, swelling, fevers and her being so irritable when it flares.

Their constant niggling.

Turning in to arguments.

Resulting in physical fights

Then the tears.

Setting up a business from scratch.  So much work, so much worry, so much stress.  Obstructions and complications from everyone you need to get this business launched.

Delay after delay after delay.

More money than you budgeted for or ever imagined.

Doing all this all on your own...

But that is the best part of all.

Nobody to share the smiles with.

Nobody to share the hugs with.

Nobody to share all the love with.

I get it all.


Laura said...

Not sure what to write, but wanted to say that someone heard you and wishes the best for you and your children. Hugs, from Laura (A WOYWWer, but didn't play along this week.)

alexa said...

So saddened to hear how hard life is for you, and I can't imagine how it must be to have to try and look after both children with all their needs as well as try and get and stay well yourself. Sending you warm thoughts and hoping for better times ahead.